I Try To Make Myself Laugh

I was just out doing my run-thinking. I was thinking about who I am, and what I’m trying to do, and the response that I’m getting. This statement popped into my head: “I just try to make myself laugh.”

I was feeling sorry for myself, and it made me feel really sad.

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gumptionless

bobandnoshirt:

bob just posted a new photo on twitter and I am too lazy to post it here for you all

I favorited the shit out of Brandon’s tweet! That boy is brilliant

splitsider:

Check out Aidy Bryant’s 2012 Second City performance "Dolly Mae Daniels and Her All Ex-Husband Band." You’ll be glad you did.

I love this lady, y’all!

It’s very simple: Diet > Lifting > Cardio

kaiserwilhelm:

This is the way it’s done. 

But food tastes so good! I’m trying to be better by making sad, vegan pizza right now. I lifted a bunch of groceries, plus a giant bag of cat litter, up 3 flights of stairs earlier, and that was all after I went for a brisk 3.2 mile walk.

I’m a Lady, I Think Things, I Vote

An angry stranger on the Internet just told me to “get the fuck out of Texas” as if I’d never thought of that.

That’s it! Final straw! I’m leaving!

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"Oppressive humidity." What in the fuck?
I really hate this place right now. I’m going to go for an (I guess more-than-the-usually) oppressively humid walk before it starts raining again!

"Oppressive humidity." What in the fuck?

I really hate this place right now. I’m going to go for an (I guess more-than-the-usually) oppressively humid walk before it starts raining again!

kaiserwilhelm replied to your post:I started buying this Fair Trade Organic Virgin…

I have some magical Oil you may be interested in young lady!

The only “magic” involved in that lifestyle is hallucinogenics!

I started buying this Fair Trade Organic Virgin Coconut Oil Hand Lotion that I can only buy at the hippie store. I really love this stuff!

So, I went to their website to see what their story is. That’s when I found out about the subtle hint of lemongrass in my lotion. They also have shampoo and conditioner available… and some soap.

They make something called “African Black Soap.” They were making a big deal about it, so I googled it. This is what I found out…

  • Made out of burned up shea bark and plantains
  • Non-irritating or drying
  • Clears up acne
  • Works on all skin types
  • Helps reduce and prevent premature wrinkles and aging

Now, I really want to try this stuff out! 

I have a little trepidation, though. I feel like my lotion was a gateway to slippery slope of crunchy hippiedom. I already love to recycle. I’m just asking for trouble here. Like in a couple of weeks, I’ll be sitting in a drum circle, wearing a broom skirt with those spacer thingies in my ears. So scared…

But I’m gonna try this soap, anyway. The girl at Ulta said she’s only heard good things.

This week is a piece of shit. Fuck this fucking rain! (at Houston)

This week is a piece of shit. Fuck this fucking rain! (at Houston)

More from the #packnpurge. Before there was @teamcoco, there was Krunk! Bless Cynthia, wherever she is now.
These are keepers…

More from the #packnpurge. Before there was @teamcoco, there was Krunk! Bless Cynthia, wherever she is now.

These are keepers…

That made me nervous

That was the first thing I’ve (sorta) finished in a while. Did you read it? Did you hate it? Was it alright? Did you like it? Your feedback appreciated.

Tags: i am needy

My brother told my nephew that I’m so weird (vegan-ish, hate guns, decent at times) because I’m a liberal. Is that why I’m going to die alone?

I went to the Farmer’s Market today, and saw a couple there who made me sad that I’m probably going to die alone. I actually cried in the car on the way home. I always hear that I’m too picky, but it seems like people who have very specific sensibilities are able to find people who specifically fit their needs. Or, people who are at least pliable enough to be molded into what their partner wants. I’m even willing to not be all that specific. For example, I decided that I just need someone who is as nerdy about something — anything really — as I am about comedy writers who came from the late 80’s/early 90’s. It’s a complementary thing. 

So, here’s is my list. Inspired by the couple who was biking home with all their organic food from the farmer’s market. I just want to find someone who:

  • Has a bike with panniers or a bike trailer so we can ride to the Farmer’s Market on the weekend and buy a bunch of organic, natural food so we can be all healthy and shit without doing more damage to the environment while getting amazing calves.

  • Laughs at my jokes, even when they are pretty hack or just not all that funny or make me cry. Especially when they make me cry.

  • Reads books, so we can sit on opposite ends of the couch and read and share interesting facts or funny passages or inspiring quotes with each other.

  • Wants to go out sometimes, but is content to stay in and watch movies, typically documentaries or subtitled happy-sads, or rewatch TV shows we’ve seen a million times. Hopefully, TV shows that we both love (or at least like enough to be supportive of the other’s taste).

  • Likes to go to nerd festivals, like ATX Fest or Just For Laughs or ComicCon (for the film and TV, not the cartoon porn) or random film festivals that aren’t Sundance. I mean, we could go to Sundance because that sounds good, too, but maybe we could volunteer together, so we get to go for free because it’s expensive.

  • Loves cats, must love cats, but not in a weird way. Also, must love Snappy the Gator because he is a big part of my life now.

  • Helps me name the animals in my short stories about the animals I see when I run.

  • DOES NOT RUN! At least not with me because sometimes I just need to be alone with my brain (walks and bike rides are fine for sharing, see point 1).

  • Has a job, but not a boring job, like in Accounting, because I don’t want to hear about it. Accounting is so fucking boring!

  • Pushes me to be brave in the world, but sometimes also wants to shelter me from it. The world can be cruel, y’all!

  • NO SUBURBS… NO!

I feel like I should add more, but that might make me too picky.

I know these people exist! Where are they? Where are they single? And, where are they not gay men? That has been a problem, too, for me.

Hope for the Best, Expect the Worst

Weighing pessimism and optimism, I’ve decided that it’s way better to be pessimistic. When you hope for the best, you’re always disappointed. But, when you go in expecting to be disappointed, the absolute worst case scenario is that you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

"I think so. I’m proud of that! I mean, I don’t understand people who aren’t. Marc, I have never understood… To me, that’s what comedy is. Comedy is about honesty. And that, to me, is a very core truth. For me, comedy has always been a way to be honest about shit. To just fuckin’ say what you’re thinking. That’s what being hard on yourself is. It’s being honest."

— Bob Odenkirk, when Marc Maron asked if he was hard on himself

This is supposed to teach Penelope to slow down. She’s probably thinking of ways to kill me when I go to sleep.

This is supposed to teach Penelope to slow down. She’s probably thinking of ways to kill me when I go to sleep.